Getting In Is Not the Goal. Thriving Is.

This part four of four in the School First “Best School Fit”series.  It is a movement where we are encouraging parents, educators, and admissions leaders to prioritize student belonging, well-being, and long-term success over prestige and rankings. The launch comes as families spend thousands of dollars navigating an increasingly stressful admissions process, often at the expense of their children's mental health and sense of belonging. Read Part 1: The Child, Read Part 2: Empowered, Read Part 3: Possibilities

There is a moment in the school search process when everything seems to narrow to one question: Will I get in?

Students spend months working on applications, writing essays, studying for tests, and waiting for decisions. When an acceptance finally arrives, it can feel like the finish line. But getting in is not the goal. Thriving is.

I recently reconnected with a student I first worked with as he searched for the right high school. He is now at a school where he feels completely comfortable being himself. He has close friends, works through difficult projects with approachable teachers, and even stepped outside his comfort zone by taking a dance class.

Two years later, I still recognize the eighth grader I first knew, but he is a more confident, happy, and open version of himself. He loves school and makes the most of what it offers because it fits who he is, how he learns, and what helps him feel comfortable in his own shoes. Now I am lucky enough to help him search for a college that can become his next right fit.

His experience reflects what I have seen throughout my career. It is easy to measure success by the acceptance letter. We celebrate the name of the school, how selective it is, and the accomplishment of being admitted. Those things can be meaningful, but they tell only part of the story.

What about the rest of the picture?

Will the student feel comfortable speaking up in class? Will they have teachers who know them? Will they ask for help when things feel difficult? Will they meet people who make them feel understood? Will they feel inspired to try something new? Will they belong?

There is no universal best school or college. There is only the place where this student is most likely to come alive.

So celebrate the acceptance letter. But don’t mistake it for the finish line. Getting in is one moment. What happens after is what matters most.

Let us help you find the school that fits your student now and supports who they are becoming.

Choose School First. Find Your Right Fit.

About Emily Burns

Emily has nearly 20 years of experience in college admissions, independent school admissions, and college counseling. Having worked at Mills College and served as Director of Admissions at Bay Area high schools, she brings an insider’s understanding of how schools evaluate students and assess fit.